Don´t you dare to shout she will serve you soon
And don´t you dare knocking with a tea spoon
She´s a barmaid

She won´t bring the coffee to your table, my dear
You better come over it´s self service here
She´s a barmaid not your butler

Whatever she´s doing don´t you dare complain
You do that your coffee´s down the drain
She´s a barmaid she´s no psychiatrist

She doesn´t want you playing with the sugarcubes
She don´t like you bending straws into loops
She´s a barmaid she can´t stand that

She doesn´t want you kicking the pinball machine
You´re no good doing James Dean
She´s a barmaid she´s not a talent scout

Teabags in the ashtray she doesn´t like at all
And don´t you kill the spider that is crawling down the wall
She´s a barmaid she´s good to animals

She don´t like you staring at her tits all day
She can´t stand lecherous boozers anyway
She´s a barmaid she´s not a pin-up girl

As sure as shit she don´t wanna talk love
She don´t want you cooing like a turtle dove
She´s a barmaid she´s not your girlfriend

She´s waiting for a real man whoever he is
She knows he´d never come into a place like this
She´s a barmaid she´s good to animals

(Element of Crime)